My nurse Lou Lou 🐩

assisted conception, FET, Frozen embreyo, Getting pregnant, ivf, IVF, Pregnancy, trying to conceive, Uncategorized, unexplained infertility

So far the wait is ok.. 7DPO and only 3 days since transfer.  I’m sick with sinus infection, feeling soooo tired which I’m happy about. Little twingey here and there in my bits, but nothing too major too report yet.

I’ve given work the arse and My beautiful Lucy Lui the cavoodle is looking after me today .

Hope all my fellow IVF’s,  TTC’s & Newley  IVF preggo chickies are doing ok, thinking of you all and your journey. Stay strong xx 🙏🏻🌺

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Different pages?

assisted conception, FET, Frozen embreyo, Getting pregnant, ivf, IVF, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, trying to conceive, Uncategorized, unexplained infertility

Today I feel like I’m hanging in some kind of limbo land.  Life is continuing on around me, I’m keeping my head above water, just.  I can’t stop thinking about what to do next ? who to call for strength? Who to talk to? How the hell do I go through this last FET with any kind of positive attitude when my husband is DONE.  I lost him at the miscarriage last year. 

He was emotionally barely into the process then and the most recent one hardly at all and I know if I go again, I’m totally on my own emotionally.   It’s a tough one.   We are on different pages in life….he’s ready to have his life back or maybe his wife back, as I’m not sure how his life has changed since our IVF son was born 4 years ago, other than I don’t give him enough attn.   I still have half hope that we would have one more child to complete our family.   

Husband wants to travel again and says he’s not that keen on doing the whole baby thing again. He hit me with that news early this year. I assured him things would be different, I would try harder to do things differently and we as a couple will be ok.   I had super high expectations for my mum, friends, inlaws and husband – those expectations were smashed and now I have zero & know what to expect should I be lucky enough to be a mummy agAin.

I think I need to see a cousellor, do some reiki, get my chakras cleansed, do more yoga, ask my angles and fairies and all magical beings to guide me through this next decision.   I don’t want to think about it anymore, I just want this IVF journey over…. I know when I think about it I Do have the strength for one more time & I am fine (I’ll deal) with the outcome no matter what.

Having said that, how do I do this again if my husband isn’t really along for the ride?????  If I don’t go ahead, the resentment might tear us apart? If I do go ahead, selfishly I know I’ve given it my best shot and you can’t ask for more than that.

Ugh that was a lot of fucking crap in my head.  If you made it this far, good job!😜 this blog is purely my way to type out my emotions and get those bad boys outra my head.  Having said that, the support from you girls through all your journeys has been amazing! 

I think typing has helped this morning, though I’m still feeling in limbo land? Half hope, half agony…..

🦄🔮⭐️🌟💫🙏🏻🌺

Must…keep…. going….

FET, Frozen embreyo, Getting pregnant, ivf, IVF, Pregnancy, trying to conceive, Uncategorized, unexplained infertility

Today is cycle day 25. 6DPT . 

Tough start to the day with my gut telling me it’s not worked.  My gut is usually always right.  I knew with my miracle son, I knew when I was pregnant in Oct and I knew when I was not with the other 2 failed frosties.   I am mentally putting up my wall and running through the things I will do to avoid falling to pieces this Friday.

I could be wrong, this time my body might just be reacting differently.  I hope I’m wrong.  But I’ve got the “Period legs”feeling last few days and that’s something I get every now and then. Like really achey legs you feel you need to have them raised. I have the pms feeling of wanting to kill everyone that chews loudly feeling and I have the intense hunger I get just before the bitch arrives. I feel the ovarie twinges like every other month ☹️

I could be wrong… I hope I am🙏🏻  

 
I only have one more chance after this, one more frostie left.  We are out of money having spent probs over 30k so far,  my emotional strength and stamina is nearing the end & I am 39 in May.  

I do thank my lucky stars every single night when I hug my miracle boy b4 bed & realise how incrediblely lucky we were to be successful with him.  

I won’t lie, I am fucking petrified of how I will react if neither of these two frosties make it.  

To some I may seem greedy trying for another child. Many have said “you have one already, be happy with that and realise how lucky you are”. Yep that helps,   Thanks friend  – NOT 

I was like an only child growing up (my bro is 10 years older) and man that was so so lonely. I have always hoped that if I was to have a family, 2 kids would be great. Besties for life.  Keep each other company and have a friendship I always dreamed of. 

Whilst I choose to go solo emotionally through this cycle, it’s times like these where my positive vibe faulters  that I wish I had someone to share these feelings with and get the support back that I need & crave on my off days. Everyone has there own shot to deal within life and their own probs. I can’t expect people who havent gone through this to understand and be able to support me the way I need. 

But I chose to protect my feelings & kind of disappear into my own space this month.  I just can’t deal with others right now. Thank god for my blog and typing it out, otherwise I think my brain would explode 🤕. 

To all who stumble across my ramblings & currently in the IVF journey… I salute you 🙏🏻 must …keep….going….

The quentessential pose

FET, Frozen embreyo, Getting pregnant, ivf, IVF, Pregnancy, trying to conceive, Uncategorized, unexplained infertility

So this is it girls, the pose we need after doing our transfers….

 

That’s not me ! (Thank you google for the image) . I did it last night and it felt great.  There’s also this one which helps….

  

I also did my relaxation with my legs in the air 😜 hey whatever works right!!

I have this chance and one more to create a little family member and a sibling for my miracle boy…I gotta piss of the negative thoughts and keep thinking positively and trying things that work for me and keep me & my crazy brain calm. 

It’s only Wednessay! I still have till next Friday 18th…. I haven’t let down my guard get, woohoo feeling strong, still PUPO And feeling positive. I hope this lasts 🙏🏻

Strength, love and hugs to anyone who stumbles across my blog ramblings and is going through the infertility, IVF journey. You are all amazing strong women  xxx 

Grumpy day x 100 

assisted conception, ivf, unexplained infertility

Good lord I was grumpy yesterday! I couldnt even bring myself to type it out.  Silly drugs fucked with my brain and allthough the funny feeling in my guts was gone, the overwhelming anger was insane I even scared myself.
My poor folks copped it, my hubby and my beautiful son. I feel better today thank god.  This new fabulous doc has put me on different meds this time round, I’ve only had one jab so far and start on monday the next batch before EPU.  Last stim cycle I felt fantastic through the meds until the dreaded 2ww hit. Then I was lucky enough to have a BFP.  That keeps me going through this cycle….new doc, new meds and new attitude. Lucky #4.

I have a wedding to go to tonight where I have to pretend to be someone I am not right now.  I would so much rather hide in my bubble over this month and really not deal with anyone at all. I just am so mentally consumed by this process. I feel like I dont have room for anyone who has no idea what I am going through.   Not that anyone has bothered to check in anyway…. Oh oh i’m getting cranky again..ok woman – snap out of it and enjoy the day!   Yes I occaisionally I talk to myself too 😝