Today is cycle day 25. 6DPT .
Tough start to the day with my gut telling me it’s not worked. My gut is usually always right. I knew with my miracle son, I knew when I was pregnant in Oct and I knew when I was not with the other 2 failed frosties. I am mentally putting up my wall and running through the things I will do to avoid falling to pieces this Friday.
I could be wrong, this time my body might just be reacting differently. I hope I’m wrong. But I’ve got the “Period legs”feeling last few days and that’s something I get every now and then. Like really achey legs you feel you need to have them raised. I have the pms feeling of wanting to kill everyone that chews loudly feeling and I have the intense hunger I get just before the bitch arrives. I feel the ovarie twinges like every other month ☹️
I could be wrong… I hope I am🙏🏻
I only have one more chance after this, one more frostie left. We are out of money having spent probs over 30k so far, my emotional strength and stamina is nearing the end & I am 39 in May.
I do thank my lucky stars every single night when I hug my miracle boy b4 bed & realise how incrediblely lucky we were to be successful with him.
I won’t lie, I am fucking petrified of how I will react if neither of these two frosties make it.
To some I may seem greedy trying for another child. Many have said “you have one already, be happy with that and realise how lucky you are”. Yep that helps, Thanks friend – NOT
I was like an only child growing up (my bro is 10 years older) and man that was so so lonely. I have always hoped that if I was to have a family, 2 kids would be great. Besties for life. Keep each other company and have a friendship I always dreamed of.
Whilst I choose to go solo emotionally through this cycle, it’s times like these where my positive vibe faulters that I wish I had someone to share these feelings with and get the support back that I need & crave on my off days. Everyone has there own shot to deal within life and their own probs. I can’t expect people who havent gone through this to understand and be able to support me the way I need.
But I chose to protect my feelings & kind of disappear into my own space this month. I just can’t deal with others right now. Thank god for my blog and typing it out, otherwise I think my brain would explode 🤕.
To all who stumble across my ramblings & currently in the IVF journey… I salute you 🙏🏻 must …keep….going….