Today is cycle day 25. 6DPT .
Tough start to the day with my gut telling me it’s not worked. My gut is usually always right. I knew with my miracle son, I knew when I was pregnant in Oct and I knew when I was not with the other 2 failed frosties. I am mentally putting up my wall and running through the things I will do to avoid falling to pieces this Friday.
I could be wrong, this time my body might just be reacting differently. I hope I’m wrong. But I’ve got the “Period legs”feeling last few days and that’s something I get every now and then. Like really achey legs you feel you need to have them raised. I have the pms feeling of wanting to kill everyone that chews loudly feeling and I have the intense hunger I get just before the bitch arrives. I feel the ovarie twinges like every other month ☹️
I could be wrong… I hope I am🙏🏻
I do thank my lucky stars every single night when I hug my miracle boy b4 bed & realise how incrediblely lucky we were to be successful with him.
I won’t lie, I am fucking petrified of how I will react if neither of these two frosties make it.
To some I may seem greedy trying for another child. Many have said “you have one already, be happy with that and realise how lucky you are”. Yep that helps, Thanks friend – NOT
I was like an only child growing up (my bro is 10 years older) and man that was so so lonely. I have always hoped that if I was to have a family, 2 kids would be great. Besties for life. Keep each other company and have a friendship I always dreamed of.
Whilst I choose to go solo emotionally through this cycle, it’s times like these where my positive vibe faulters that I wish I had someone to share these feelings with and get the support back that I need & crave on my off days. Everyone has there own shot to deal within life and their own probs. I can’t expect people who havent gone through this to understand and be able to support me the way I need.
But I chose to protect my feelings & kind of disappear into my own space this month. I just can’t deal with others right now. Thank god for my blog and typing it out, otherwise I think my brain would explode 🤕.
To all who stumble across my ramblings & currently in the IVF journey… I salute you 🙏🏻 must …keep….going….