Must…keep…. going….

FET, Frozen embreyo, Getting pregnant, ivf, IVF, Pregnancy, trying to conceive, Uncategorized, unexplained infertility

Today is cycle day 25. 6DPT . 

Tough start to the day with my gut telling me it’s not worked.  My gut is usually always right.  I knew with my miracle son, I knew when I was pregnant in Oct and I knew when I was not with the other 2 failed frosties.   I am mentally putting up my wall and running through the things I will do to avoid falling to pieces this Friday.

I could be wrong, this time my body might just be reacting differently.  I hope I’m wrong.  But I’ve got the “Period legs”feeling last few days and that’s something I get every now and then. Like really achey legs you feel you need to have them raised. I have the pms feeling of wanting to kill everyone that chews loudly feeling and I have the intense hunger I get just before the bitch arrives. I feel the ovarie twinges like every other month ☹️

I could be wrong… I hope I am🙏🏻  

 
I only have one more chance after this, one more frostie left.  We are out of money having spent probs over 30k so far,  my emotional strength and stamina is nearing the end & I am 39 in May.  

I do thank my lucky stars every single night when I hug my miracle boy b4 bed & realise how incrediblely lucky we were to be successful with him.  

I won’t lie, I am fucking petrified of how I will react if neither of these two frosties make it.  

To some I may seem greedy trying for another child. Many have said “you have one already, be happy with that and realise how lucky you are”. Yep that helps,   Thanks friend  – NOT 

I was like an only child growing up (my bro is 10 years older) and man that was so so lonely. I have always hoped that if I was to have a family, 2 kids would be great. Besties for life.  Keep each other company and have a friendship I always dreamed of. 

Whilst I choose to go solo emotionally through this cycle, it’s times like these where my positive vibe faulters  that I wish I had someone to share these feelings with and get the support back that I need & crave on my off days. Everyone has there own shot to deal within life and their own probs. I can’t expect people who havent gone through this to understand and be able to support me the way I need. 

But I chose to protect my feelings & kind of disappear into my own space this month.  I just can’t deal with others right now. Thank god for my blog and typing it out, otherwise I think my brain would explode 🤕. 

To all who stumble across my ramblings & currently in the IVF journey… I salute you 🙏🏻 must …keep….going….

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18 thoughts on “Must…keep…. going….

  1. hey, whether your ttc your first or the sixth one, its still difficult and frustrating. Yes its a blessing you have your miracle baby and some like me don’t have that too, but that doesn’t make your struggle less or the need for another any less, the way i see it, its stronger then us because you’v tasted the joy a baby can bring. And i really pray you succeed this time, but God forbid you don’t, just let it all out, don’t think your frustration is any less then us just because you have a miracle baby 🙂 And i know, i have grown up in a big family, the joys are amazing. i still dream of having a big one of my own, to which someone told me once “first make one then dream”, to which i said “i believe in dreaming big”. Although it did crush me when that someone said it, sending you loads of baby dust!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow thank you so so much, That is so kind of you to say. I love what you say about to dream big that is perfect! I really really appreciate your message, you have helped me this morning tremendously to have the courage to keep pushing through 🌺😊xxx

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  2. Everyone has their own set of needs and desires and that is PERFECTLY acceptable, you don’t have to justify a THING to ANYone. I support you completely even if I am half way around the world, even if we just KINDA met online, and I certainly have not been through what you have! I know I don’t have the money to go through IVF if natural conception doesn’t work for me or frankly the courage you have! Girl you are so powerful. You are Wonder Woman! You have come so far and been through SO MUCH, you are MADE of BRAVE! You’ve got this no matter WHAT!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! seriously way to motivate me girl 😊 so so so appreciate your message and it has most certainly given me the strength I need to get through this day. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write me a beautiful comment that I didn’t realise was so needed. I need to go and catch up on your blog now! See where you are at. Yes IVF is so bloody expensive! We have run out of money now 😦 I’m just not thinking about that bit too much. IVF is such a head fucker it’s cruel. But comments like yours tell me I’m not crazy to try again and give me girl power!!! 👧🏻🌺 xx thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So we did our transfer the same day!!! I am going in Friday for my beta as well. My Dr wanted me to wait until next Wednesday but he’s crazy, I’m going bat shit crazy over here. NO symptoms whatsoever, not even the normal progesterone/estrogen side effects other than HUGE boobs! I’m finding it very hard to believe that after all these years this just might be our month. I’m staying optimistic but it’s extremely hard. This is our first transfer so I have no idea how I will feel when I get my results, no matter what they are.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh wow!!! That’s very cool we are most definitely in this together! Wednesday – are you kidding me that’s ages away & more torture for you. You will be fine no matter the result, I promise. It’s a tough journey but let’s pray this ones your one🙏🏻 and embie sticks.

      I got pregnant with my son on our first go and I had no symptoms at all except a stuffy nose!!! This could be it for you. I truly hope so mate xxx🙏🏻🌟🌺🦄🔮thinking of you Friday!

      Liked by 1 person

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